


Smoke Breaks

by Servena



Series: BoB Psychiatry AU [2]
Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Angst, Developing Relationship, Friendship, Gen, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Mute!Gene, Muteness, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rambling, Recovery, Smoke breaks, Smoking, Talking, Trust Issues, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-12-01 19:37:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20876942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Servena/pseuds/Servena
Summary: It starts with a smoke.





	Smoke Breaks

It starts with a smoke.

Babe usually considers himself a people person, but right now he just needs a moment for himself, far from people who are talking to themselves. Not that he has any right to judge since he is here for a reason, too (although that reason does not involve talking to himself), but it might take some time to get used to.

So he directs his steps purposefully towards a place at the far back of the building which, as he has figured out a few days prior, contains a bench and no one to occupy it.

Except today, the latter isn’t true.

There’s a dark-haired man sitting on the far left of the bench, hunched over with a burning cigarette held protectively between his hands. Babe’s steps falter. He tried to pay attention on his introduction tour last week, and while he doesn’t remember all the names by far, he’s pretty sure he remembers this one. “You’re Eugene, aren’t you?” he asks.

The man looks up, but doesn’t say anything. The dark eyes in his pale face are intense and Babe shifts on his feet unconsciously. “I was just looking for a place to smoke.” He holds up the pack of cigarettes. “Sorry to disturb you.”

Eugene still doesn’t speak, just looks at him in a way that reminds Babe of a deer in the headlights of a car. And then Babe remembers what else nurse Renée had told him about him. “Right, you don’t talk.” He grins sheepishly. “Sorry, I forgot.” He shoves the pack of cigarettes back into his pocket. “Uh, I’ll leave you to it then.”

Babe turns around to leave, but there is yelling coming from the front of the yard and god does he not want to go back there right now. He turns back around. “On the other hand, can I stay here? I promise I’ll be quiet.”

Just as he begins to wonder how the hell is gonna get any kind of answer, there is an almost imperceptible nod before Eugene looks away.

“Okay. Thanks.” Babe sits down on the far left of the bench, mindful to intrude into Eugene’s personal space as little as possible. He lights a cigarette from his pack (it takes him three tries since the wind keeps blowing out his lighter) and takes a deep breath of smoke gratefully.

He watches as some dry leaves get blown over the path while he’s turning the pack around in his free hand. He’d been anxious to get away from the noise, but the complete silence between them unnerves him as well. He feels like he shouldn’t be here, like he’s intruding on something private, but he also doesn’t want to leave.

When he glances over it seems like Eugene is pretending he isn’t here, but he looks uncomfortable, shoulders tense and rounded forward like he’s trying to make himself as small as possible.

“Sorry, I’m not very good at being quiet”, Babe finally says. “Do you mind if I talk? You don’t have to say anything obviously.”

Eugene still doesn’t look at him, but he gets a shrug as a reaction.

“I think it’s a character flaw”, Babe continues. “I just can’t stop talking, and lately I can’t stop thinking either. It just goes round and round in my head until it feels like I’m gonna explode. The week before I came here I got less than four hours sleep almost every night. Now they give me drugs for that, which is kinda nice, but it’s not really a permanent solution, you know?”

Of course he doesn’t get an answer, he didn’t expect any. But by the way he’s tilting his head he’s at least listening and lately there have been few people willing to listening to his rambling without getting paid for it, so he continues: “I really thought I was doing better. Everyone thought I was doing better. But apparently that was just a brief moment of respite before I crashed and burned. Lucky me!”

He’s taking a quick drag of his cigarette before continuing. “I mean, I know it’s not my fault. I know! People can stop telling me! But knowing something in here”, he taps his forehead, “just isn’t the same as knowing something in here”, he taps his chest over his heart, “you know?”

The moment of silence when he takes his next breath of cigarette smoke is long enough for him to come to his senses. “Sorry, I’m ruining you’re smoking break. You don’t have to stay and listen to me.”

But Eugene isn’t moving, if because he doesn’t mind or because of a sense of stubbornness, Babe can only guess. Only after his cigarette is burnt down to a stub does he get up and leave without looking back.

They meet again two days later, except this time it’s Babe who’s there first. It’s really not much of a coincidence, there are only so many times in their day where they can sneak off to smoke and they’ve apparently both chosen this as their favorite place. Still Eugene immediately stops in his tracks when he sees the bench is occupied.

Babe inches to the right as far as he can without falling off. “It’s alright, you can sit here. If you can stand me, I mean.”

He can see him hesitate, and for a moment everything hangs in the balance. There’s something so skittish about the other man that he can’t help but want to put a hand on his shoulder and tell him he doesn’t have to be afraid, but he has a feeling that touching him wouldn’t go over well, so he just tries to present himself as non-threatening as possible.

It’s not like there aren’t other places to smoke in the yard, but this is by far the most private spot. Finally Eugene makes his way over, climbing onto the left side, as far away from him as he can, and digs a crumpled pack of his cigarettes out of the pockets of his hoodie.

After that, their meetings almost become rituals. They smoke together, still with a healthy amount of free space between them, and Eugene patiently listens to his rambling (and Babe can’t quite explain how he knows the other is listening and not just zoning out, but he does).

A few days later Babe is just trying to light his cigarette for the fourth time, his lighter only producing a few weak sparks, and he’s just about to curse it and fling it into the trees when the noise of metal sliding over wood makes him look up. There’s a lighter lying next to him on the bench. “Gee, thanks!”

He returns the favor three days later when he offers Eugene a smoke after he figures out that Eugene must have forgotten his pack inside. Their fingers brush together for the briefest of moments and Eugene pulls back like he’s been burnt, but he takes it and that’s all that matters.

Babe is still talking way too much, but he doesn’t feel quite as jittery as when he arrived, so now he’s able to not only bear, but even enjoy the long moments of silence between them. Eugene still doesn’t talk at all, but judging from his posture he seems more relaxed in Babe’s presence. Once he even smiles at one of Babe’s jokes, just a tilt of the corners of his mouth around the cigarette, and Babe spends the rest of his day feeling like he’s walking on air.

And then one day they finish their cigarettes at exactly the same time. When they get up, Babe squints up at the sky and says: “Looks like it’s gonna rain. I’m gonna head inside. I think they got a pretty big board game collection in the common room, do you wanna check it out?”

It’s another one of those moments where he can’t help to hold his breath, and he can’t even explain why it’s so important to him, but it is. In the end he just starts walking, and after a moment he can hear Gene following him.

He hasn’t smiled like this in a long time.


End file.
